Am I a Good Caregiver?

[Alice Stevens]

Nancy, who is one of our readers on Aging Parents Authority, wrote in about how we need to keep our caregiving in perspective, even while it gets devastatingly difficult.

She makes some very important points...

"You will not get a 'do over' on this task..."

Our time is now. Our work is now. We certainly need to accept our responsibilities toward our parents. Nancy is also bringing out something more subtle. A record is being kept...

I've been stressing this point a lot on the website. You are teaching your children and grandchildren how to care for you by the manner and way you care for the elderly in your charge now.

For those of us who do not have children, it hits home even harder. We are teaching our neices and nephews. And frankly, it will really be very easy for them to bolt when times get hard.

We had better set a good example for all while we can. Soon- it will be too late.

Nancy also points this out...

"No matter how, in the day to day grind, you may become frustrated, discouraged, 'do not have the time' and are not treated well by misbehaving parents who actually become more like children you have to discipline with time outs and such..."

We need to be honest with each other. This is care giving. This sums up what we do and what we have to do.

Yes, the elderly can be very childish at times.

Yes, we will become their 'parents' and yes, some of our elderly children will not like our style of parenting, but we can not run from it.

Love is expensive.

Love may require everything we have to give, and then some.

Nancy goes on to point out the excuses people use for not fulfilling caregiving duties.

She hits on the biggest- "My parent and I did not have a good relationship, so I don't care what happens to her now."

Nancy gives her answer, which I believe is God's answer too...

"This will not wash in a psychological future self evaluation. You know you have a responsibility to be the best child you can be, as they had a responsibility to be a good parent, whether they were or not."

"If nothing else, we set our children a good example of what we consider a requirement of life, to honor our parents."

Another friend has a saying that fits.

"This too shall pass." He quotes that a lot.

Our caregiving will not go on forever. There will be a time coming when we'll be free- free to take that cruise, go on vacation, do those hobbies we've always want to do, etc.

What will we thinking as we look at the ocean's sunset on a beautiful evening? Will we be able to truely enjoy it and to say to ourselves and to God, we did everything we could?

Of will we be filled with regrets?

We could have done more...